I don’t have pictures of it yet, but I made this.  And I am going to make this.  They each only had about $40 in fabric.  So far, Owen loves the one I made already, but I am really excited about making the other one.  When I get it done, I’ll put up some pictures and tell you what I think of both of them.

I feel like my house is so dirty, like I can’t do enough to get the grim out.  My keyboard is dusty, the carpet smells, the walls are dusty and on and on.  I was in the kitchen, and Nate managed to spread flour all over, and he made the floor sticky.  Then I saw the handles on the cupboards – gross.  Like thirty years of grim that has packed on, and I can’t get it off!  I hate it, I go from place to place and just see MORE! And baby does not allow me much time to tackle projects – he just started screaming now.  Someday I can clean my own dirt and not the the people’s that had the house before us.

I must say that I love the sun, I love being outside, it is so nice to be back outside again. Now I want to camp, but not with a baby.  Next year.

What’s new….

Paxil seems to be working.  At first I felt worse, but as the weeks have passed I feel a little lighter.  Less OCDish.  I see the doctor again in two weeks, we’ll see what happens in the mean time.

Owen is doing better, the reflux has let up a little.  He is smiling up a storm and cooing like crazy.  He is already growing out of the newborn stage.  And he is starting to understand night and day, he still wakes up 3-4 times at night but I don’t have to fight to get him back to sleep.

Ash signed up for pre-school staring in the fall.  When it was time to leave, he dug his heels in.  Which he has never done, so I think we found the right school for him so far.  He already made friends with another rough and tumble kid named Corbin.  I was asking Nate what his name was just as his mom walked by and she instantly said “what he do?”  Very cute little kid.  I know Ash will love it, and it is a co-op so I get to go in once or twice a month to make the snake and help out.  I don’t have to completely let go…   Today he is spending the day with his Auntie Riss at the beach, kinda weird having him gone all day.

Two weeks till Nate starts days, I can’t wait!

Home remodeling is hitting the back burner this year.  With Owen here we don’t have much time and with his hospital bills we don’t have much money.  But my list of projects keeps getting longer:

add bathroom
add laundry room
cut down three trees
and front and back decks
remodel kitchen
remodel first bath
lay flooring in whole house
landscaping
new windows
new siding
insulate walls
replace chainlink fence
add carport/shed/garage
build wood shed
put bay window in

I think it will be years before we get most of this done – I’m thinking one or two projects a year – that means seven to ten years from now……

I found a link to this on another blog.  I really like it…

Nate and I where going to go to the pound and get a cat this weekend.  But, I changed my mind.  I am in no place to take on another chore, and I hate cat boxes!  Although I always feel so compelled to adopt an animal when I go to the pound, this time I will have to pass.  Maybe when Owen is a little bigger.

I went to the doctor today – Paxil.  That is what I am going to try.  Here is to hoping for a calmer and more relaxed Stephanie.

This blog has been neglected and forgotten.  I will tend to it again, one day.  But in the mean time, I’ll get to it when I can. 

On another note, my doctors appointment is Friday.  I am so nervous yet very excited.  I know I have a problem and I have had it all my life, it has kept me from school dances, parties and all kinds of things I think would be fun.  I have never really really let my hair down and really trusted someone else.  

What else, my brother ended with another charge.  His first charge had the chance of being a misdemeanor, but because he did not complete his probation it became a felony.  So, now he had two felony’s, no license and probation for eighteen months.  Maybe now he will get it.

Owen is a reflux baby.  He cried, spits up, drools, nurses poorly and a whole slew of other things.  So I order a Tucker Sling, which my insurance is going to pay for.  I am so hoping that this helps, fours hours of sleep is not enough each night.  I also found out my insurance will also buy a breast pump for me.  I picked it up yesterday, wonderful.  I must say, it was very exciting to be milked last night.  I would highly recommend an expensive pump.  I ended up with almost $400 in medical equipment for my cost of $50.  But that is only becasuse I had filled the deductible with Owen’s birth. 

What else, Ash is being a pain in the ass.  It is like a switch was flipped, and he turned into a toddler.  He is adjusting…. 

Nate got DAYS!  Very exciting considering it is summer. 

Okay, now I am going to get another hour of sleep before everyone wakes up.

Owen is one month old today.  Boy has it gone fast, it seems like I just had him.  But life with a new baby has adjusted well.  I’m tired, but what’s new.  Ash is okay with the whole thing, although he does act out a little.  Nate is tired too, but he is handling it well. So far so good.

Owen is a pain in the ass, literally.  The doc thinks I fractured my tailbone during delivery and my ass hurts.  Sucks when all you wanna do is sit and rock a baby.  He is sleeping about two hours a wack still, so I sleep about six hours a night.  Thank goodness for Nate, he gets home at 12:30 and is in bed by one only to get up with Ash at 7 so I can sleep.  Owen started smiling a little and he nurses like crazy, but that is easier to handle this time around too.  I told Nate that this is easier this time around and what did he think about number three?  So far I get a big fat “NO”.  I still have a few years to convince him. 

Nate still has a job for the year.  They took a cost of living increase freeze so that the county could have more money.  With that and other things, no job loss this year.  But that is still going well for him, his shift changes in June, here is to hoping for days for the summer.

I finally have decided that I need help.  All my life I have had problems, as a teenager I would wake in the middle of the night and barf for no reason.  Not a weight thing, because I was barfing bile.  All related to stress.  But that is not the only problem I have.  I have never sought help for it, but I finally made a doctors appointment to see if there is anything I can do to help.  The things I go through makes it hard on the whole family and now that Owen is here, I need to do something to ease the pressure.  I want to be happier and not so frustrated and angry all the time.  The doctor gave me some pain meds for the tailbone and after delivery.  When I take them, I feel normal.  Relaxed, happy and things don’t get me worked up.  I don’t feel normal, I feel like I am missing something like I am worrying about stuff too much.  I worry so much I vomit, I get sick on every trip we take, I have to drive or I get sick.  Then I get grumpy and poor Nate and Ash get the brunt of it because that is who I am around all the time.  Here is to hoping she can help me.

So much has happened since I last posted.  It has gotten a little crazy I guess.

Ash just celebrated his third birthday, and boy does he think he is a grown up. 

My brother got out of jail, just to be picked up again one month later.

Owen is sleeping three hours at a wack.

My mother has amazed me at how well she is handling everything that has been tossed her way.

My stepsister had her baby.

Went to Costco all by myself with both kids!

Found more money in my taxes.

AND found a moment to blog.

Owen Lee Baldwin made it on March 25 at 7:02pm.  At 7 pounds and 19 inches. 

That morning I new my contractions felt different.  So, Nate and I decided to head to my moms (she is off for spring break) and put Ash down for a nap just in case we decided to head to the hospital.  I still didn’t really know by 3:30 when Nate had to go to work, but by the time 4:00 rolled around, I was for sure.  Mom and I headed in, and all the rooms where full!  I got checked in a temporary room and I was about 7cm!  So she rushed someone out and got me in.  I called Nate and he made it about 5.  We had the best nurse in town and the doctor was wonderful.  I handled the contractions without a hitch, my water broke and within two contractions I was ready to push.  I pushed through about six contractions and out he came.  My dad and stepmom made it to watch and my mom and Nate where there.  It was a wonderful experience, very very relaxing.  They put Owen on my chest right away and didn’t take him for hours.  He latched right onto breastfeeding, it couldn’t have been better.  I had to stay two days because I was step + and they couldn’t get the antibiotics in me in time so they wanted to make sure Owen didn’t get sick.  My post-pardum is going amazingly well, except my boobs hurt like hell!  Ash loves him, he didn’t like it when another little boy was touching him, it was sweet.  And that’s the story of Owen and his first day.

My last post was horrible!  You can tell my state of mind, it was horrible.  Anyway, sorry about that. 

This post is about a bike ride we did the other day.  It was wonderful!  My dad and stepmom came and we rode for a couple miles on the riverfront.  So relaxing and quiet.  We stopped and got a hot cocoa and rented some movies.  Ash loved it!  So simple and wonderful.  That is the kind of attention I love, just everyone hanging out and having fun.  I can’t wait for summer, the outside is calling me.  I don’t think I can ride with the baby in the trailer, he has to sit up on his own before I can.  But we can walk and Nate and Ash can ride, I can’t wait!