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I got nothing today.  Life’s good and calm and uneventful.  What to blog about when nothing is going on?

Today just started off bad, so I think I’ll stay away from blogging today…

Since I was doing so well on the medication (for 14 months) I knew when something was wrong.  I could feel myself falling back into old habits, so that is when I call the new doc.  I have seen him about a dozen times since the end of last year and here are five things he gave me to do: eat right, EXERCISE, find friends to talk to, get a relaxing hobby (knitting, walking etc) and plan relaxation instead of doing everything before – make it a chore.  So I tried them all and here is what has worked for me.

Make relaxation a chore.  I was “doing” in order to get done so I could relax.  But now I make sure it is part of my day, whatever it is.  For example, I took Nellie for a walk to the river and let her swim.  Whenever I start to feel “it” I think of that day.

EXERCISE:  Huge, made all the difference in the world.  It gives me a good solid energy for the day, keeps me calm.  It is kinda like letting your kids run wild before you send them to bed.  IT WORKS! DO IT

Eating right:  All ready did that, but I was bad at breakfast.  So I found a protein drink mix that I eat at breakfast.  Keeps the sugar level even for the day.

Hobby:  I had too many!  So I am focusing on the few I really enjoy.

Friends:  Still not my strong suite.  But I am finding ways to talk to people where I would have avoided it. And I invited to take a mom and her daughter to the kids museum in Portland – we did it and I survived.  Something I would have NEVER had done.

Lastly, I have a hard time sleeping becasue all the “thoughts” won’t leave my head.  I will sit and roll through all the things I have to do the next day, all the things I said that day and it just keeps going and going.  I fret.  So I got an audio of Yoga and I put in the earbuds and do it at night before bed.  Very helpful cause I have to listen instead of think and it releases the tension in my body.

Now, this week I have not done any of those things.  And I can tell, my mind is rolling.  So this list is also for me, so I can come back and see what worked and do it.

Finally I started to have massages done, WOW!  Walking on air for days after.  So, it has now become  regular part of my life.  And I have been able to lower my medication level.  So next time you feel tight go see Carol Rose

That’s my journey in three posts.  Now lets see if I can find something to write about for the rest of the year.

So, I wanted to start off the year by explaining my mental health trip I took in 2010.  I have always been a little different, I needed to control my environment.  I always had a plan, even if it was only for the day.  I would write lists, number them and mathematically simplify them down.  Without spending all night writing down my symptoms, I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder that was bordering on OCD.  I don’t know what happened, but after Owen was born I couldn’t take it.  My “coping mechanisms”  where no longer working.  So, I went to see my family doctor and she started my on an anti anxiety medication.  This was the summer of 2009.  It worked GREAT!!  I finally felt normal, but late 2010 I started slipping back to my old habits and trying to “cope” was only making it worse.  So the real success of my story started when I decided to see a psychiatrist.   If you are reading this and think you may have a mental health issue, make a point to see your doctor, any doctor.  Don’t suffer – I did for 12 years (or more) before I decided to seek help.  Your life can get better.  But sometimes you have to know your worst so that when you start to get better and find yourself slipping you know right away that something is amiss.  Which has happened many times during this time of my life.  Not only do I hope that what I blog about helps someone else, but it will also serve to help remind me how far I have come and what has worked for me in case I forget 🙂

I did not write – I didn’t want to.  I used to write to get stuff out but over the last year I have found ways to cope with myself and my “feelings”.  I want to explain it all, starting from the time I went and saw my family doctor and got on a medication for my anxiety.  But, today is just a warm up – thanks to Nicole for admitting she hasn’t blogged either (maybe if I do, she will).  Welcome 2011

That’s right, I’m writing again.  But not for you, for me!  This is the first time in my life that I have wanted to lose some pounds.  I plan on using this blog to help me see what I am doing wrong and right.  Right now I weigh 160 pounds give or take on any given day.  I know there are several factors involving this gain (I used to weight 130) pregnancy, age and Paxil.  Since the only one I am willing to give up is the pregnancy, I will have to work to combat the rest.  So I am going to start today with some Eggos!  I still haven’t decided if I want to diet or excercise.  I love to eat, and find time to excercise scarce.  So, we’ll see.  My goal is to lose 30 pounds by the end of the year.  That’s eight months….

I am not into blogging right now – so if you don’t hear from me – I haven’t forgotten, I just don’t want to.  I’m taking a break….I’ll be back when I feel like it again.

I forgot to buckle Ash in.  We get a block down the road “you forgot to buckle me in mama!”  Maybe I need to adjust my dosage……

I am feeling good.  I am loving this new life style.  Nothing really matters, the things that should still do though.  I am not obsessing over things, I am letting go.  I don’t have to check the locks ten times before I go to bed, I don’t have to do certain things before I leave the house.  But the bad part is it is making me forgetful, and spacey.  Like last night, I ran into some people I knew and I kinda blew them off thinking I would go back and chat and I totally forget to.  My brain is floating.  Oh well, I am liking it for now.


I am in love with this swing – what would I do without it.