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I feel like my house is so dirty, like I can’t do enough to get the grim out.  My keyboard is dusty, the carpet smells, the walls are dusty and on and on.  I was in the kitchen, and Nate managed to spread flour all over, and he made the floor sticky.  Then I saw the handles on the cupboards – gross.  Like thirty years of grim that has packed on, and I can’t get it off!  I hate it, I go from place to place and just see MORE! And baby does not allow me much time to tackle projects – he just started screaming now.  Someday I can clean my own dirt and not the the people’s that had the house before us.


I must say that I love the sun, I love being outside, it is so nice to be back outside again. Now I want to camp, but not with a baby.  Next year.

What’s new….

Paxil seems to be working.  At first I felt worse, but as the weeks have passed I feel a little lighter.  Less OCDish.  I see the doctor again in two weeks, we’ll see what happens in the mean time.

Owen is doing better, the reflux has let up a little.  He is smiling up a storm and cooing like crazy.  He is already growing out of the newborn stage.  And he is starting to understand night and day, he still wakes up 3-4 times at night but I don’t have to fight to get him back to sleep.

Ash signed up for pre-school staring in the fall.  When it was time to leave, he dug his heels in.  Which he has never done, so I think we found the right school for him so far.  He already made friends with another rough and tumble kid named Corbin.  I was asking Nate what his name was just as his mom walked by and she instantly said “what he do?”  Very cute little kid.  I know Ash will love it, and it is a co-op so I get to go in once or twice a month to make the snake and help out.  I don’t have to completely let go…   Today he is spending the day with his Auntie Riss at the beach, kinda weird having him gone all day.

Two weeks till Nate starts days, I can’t wait!

Home remodeling is hitting the back burner this year.  With Owen here we don’t have much time and with his hospital bills we don’t have much money.  But my list of projects keeps getting longer:

add bathroom
add laundry room
cut down three trees
and front and back decks
remodel kitchen
remodel first bath
lay flooring in whole house
new windows
new siding
insulate walls
replace chainlink fence
add carport/shed/garage
build wood shed
put bay window in

I think it will be years before we get most of this done – I’m thinking one or two projects a year – that means seven to ten years from now……

I found a link to this on another blog.  I really like it…

Nate and I where going to go to the pound and get a cat this weekend.  But, I changed my mind.  I am in no place to take on another chore, and I hate cat boxes!  Although I always feel so compelled to adopt an animal when I go to the pound, this time I will have to pass.  Maybe when Owen is a little bigger.

I went to the doctor today – Paxil.  That is what I am going to try.  Here is to hoping for a calmer and more relaxed Stephanie.

This blog has been neglected and forgotten.  I will tend to it again, one day.  But in the mean time, I’ll get to it when I can. 

On another note, my doctors appointment is Friday.  I am so nervous yet very excited.  I know I have a problem and I have had it all my life, it has kept me from school dances, parties and all kinds of things I think would be fun.  I have never really really let my hair down and really trusted someone else.  

What else, my brother ended with another charge.  His first charge had the chance of being a misdemeanor, but because he did not complete his probation it became a felony.  So, now he had two felony’s, no license and probation for eighteen months.  Maybe now he will get it.

Owen is a reflux baby.  He cried, spits up, drools, nurses poorly and a whole slew of other things.  So I order a Tucker Sling, which my insurance is going to pay for.  I am so hoping that this helps, fours hours of sleep is not enough each night.  I also found out my insurance will also buy a breast pump for me.  I picked it up yesterday, wonderful.  I must say, it was very exciting to be milked last night.  I would highly recommend an expensive pump.  I ended up with almost $400 in medical equipment for my cost of $50.  But that is only becasuse I had filled the deductible with Owen’s birth. 

What else, Ash is being a pain in the ass.  It is like a switch was flipped, and he turned into a toddler.  He is adjusting…. 

Nate got DAYS!  Very exciting considering it is summer. 

Okay, now I am going to get another hour of sleep before everyone wakes up.