Do you ever feel like you are getting the short end of the stick?  I just hope that if I really need help, that people around me are not so exhausted from helping everyone else that they can’t help us.  It is the class structure of our culture, the ones that really need help get it, the ones that don’t but could really use it get ignored and the ones that really don’t need anything but attention seem to get ignored as well. 

I feel like no cares about what I am going through.  When I talk about a struggle I am having, someone always says “at least…”.  Can’t I be scared?  Can’t I be poor?  Can’t I be frustrated, jealous, or hurt?  I know I am better off then most people, but I work really hard to keep my head afloat.  Isn’t taking care of kids work?  Some daycare providers make good money doing it, my husband just pays me.  I feel like I am always being compared to someone else.  That is not fair, just because it seems easy from the outside, doesn’t mean it is.  Just because I don’t complain, doesn’t mean I not struggling.  My life is not perfect.  I just don’t say anything because when I do, they don’t get it or they write it off.  Maybe it is because so many people around them are strugglingwith worse things, mine seem trivial.  But it hurts to be written off. A lot. That is why I don’t normally tell people about my fears or why I felt hurt.  I think that is why I love this blog, it is a why of telling someone how I feel without being written off. 

Right now there is a lot bothering me.  I want to type it all out, but I know that would be a mistake.  I want to shout to the mountain tops about what is bothering me, but I know a family would be ripped apart if I did. I can’t wait for this pregnancy to be over, I am way too emotional this time around.  I am crying non stop, then I am mad, then jealous.  And that is not normal for me, normally I have it under wraps.  Hopefully it will be better soon.

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