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Owen Lee Baldwin made it on March 25 at 7:02pm.  At 7 pounds and 19 inches. 

That morning I new my contractions felt different.  So, Nate and I decided to head to my moms (she is off for spring break) and put Ash down for a nap just in case we decided to head to the hospital.  I still didn’t really know by 3:30 when Nate had to go to work, but by the time 4:00 rolled around, I was for sure.  Mom and I headed in, and all the rooms where full!  I got checked in a temporary room and I was about 7cm!  So she rushed someone out and got me in.  I called Nate and he made it about 5.  We had the best nurse in town and the doctor was wonderful.  I handled the contractions without a hitch, my water broke and within two contractions I was ready to push.  I pushed through about six contractions and out he came.  My dad and stepmom made it to watch and my mom and Nate where there.  It was a wonderful experience, very very relaxing.  They put Owen on my chest right away and didn’t take him for hours.  He latched right onto breastfeeding, it couldn’t have been better.  I had to stay two days because I was step + and they couldn’t get the antibiotics in me in time so they wanted to make sure Owen didn’t get sick.  My post-pardum is going amazingly well, except my boobs hurt like hell!  Ash loves him, he didn’t like it when another little boy was touching him, it was sweet.  And that’s the story of Owen and his first day.


My last post was horrible!  You can tell my state of mind, it was horrible.  Anyway, sorry about that. 

This post is about a bike ride we did the other day.  It was wonderful!  My dad and stepmom came and we rode for a couple miles on the riverfront.  So relaxing and quiet.  We stopped and got a hot cocoa and rented some movies.  Ash loved it!  So simple and wonderful.  That is the kind of attention I love, just everyone hanging out and having fun.  I can’t wait for summer, the outside is calling me.  I don’t think I can ride with the baby in the trailer, he has to sit up on his own before I can.  But we can walk and Nate and Ash can ride, I can’t wait!

So, my brother finally got caught.  On the seventeenth he was picked up on a possion of herion charge, which is a felony charge.  It is weird to think my brother is in jail and could go to prison. I looked at the Columbia County site (where he got caught) and saw his booking photo.  It was strange to see it.  Not where I thought he would be.  Part of me feels bad for him and the other part says “what did you think would happen?”  Hopefully this slaps him hard enough to figure it out, now it his chance.  I hope he takes it.

Do you ever feel like you are getting the short end of the stick?  I just hope that if I really need help, that people around me are not so exhausted from helping everyone else that they can’t help us.  It is the class structure of our culture, the ones that really need help get it, the ones that don’t but could really use it get ignored and the ones that really don’t need anything but attention seem to get ignored as well. 

I feel like no cares about what I am going through.  When I talk about a struggle I am having, someone always says “at least…”.  Can’t I be scared?  Can’t I be poor?  Can’t I be frustrated, jealous, or hurt?  I know I am better off then most people, but I work really hard to keep my head afloat.  Isn’t taking care of kids work?  Some daycare providers make good money doing it, my husband just pays me.  I feel like I am always being compared to someone else.  That is not fair, just because it seems easy from the outside, doesn’t mean it is.  Just because I don’t complain, doesn’t mean I not struggling.  My life is not perfect.  I just don’t say anything because when I do, they don’t get it or they write it off.  Maybe it is because so many people around them are strugglingwith worse things, mine seem trivial.  But it hurts to be written off. A lot. That is why I don’t normally tell people about my fears or why I felt hurt.  I think that is why I love this blog, it is a why of telling someone how I feel without being written off. 

Right now there is a lot bothering me.  I want to type it all out, but I know that would be a mistake.  I want to shout to the mountain tops about what is bothering me, but I know a family would be ripped apart if I did. I can’t wait for this pregnancy to be over, I am way too emotional this time around.  I am crying non stop, then I am mad, then jealous.  And that is not normal for me, normally I have it under wraps.  Hopefully it will be better soon.

The last 48 hours have been hell around here.  Contractions non stop.  I can’t sleep, nothing sounds good to eat, and it aches.  I wish he would make up his mind and either come out or stay inside and relax.  Next appointment on the 12th, we’ll see if I am dilated by then.

In other news, really boring around here.  My brother has started NA meetings, whoo hoo.  Hopefully he will get the help he needs.  Nathen’s sister stayed with us this weekend and Ash had a blast.  They slumber partied in his room.  He thought that was kick ass.  He had a busy weekend really, Friday night he stayed with my mom.  Saturday Riss stayed with us and he spent all day Sunday at Nate’s parents.  And Riss stayed again that night.  I had a whole weekend me, which was great cause of those damn contractions. 

I can’t wait for this baby to show up, so I have something to focus on.  With almost all projects done, my mind starts to think.  Then guilt usually sets it, not a place I like to be.  I’m ready.

(Oh, and if it is a girl.  Her name will be Sophie.)

So we are finally done with the rooms.  They look much better in person, camara does not do them justice.  I still have to kinda figure out how to decorate, but that is easy compared to what we did.  We layed carpet, primed and painted all walls, scraped and primed and painted ceilings, installed new lighting, and primed and painted all the doors.  It’s the prep work that gets me, like to lay carpet we had to pull everything out and pull staples out of the floor.  Backbreaking!  So worth it though, my allergies have clamed down so much now that the nasty carpet is out of my bedroom.

If you check out our bedroom pic, you’ll see a fancy headborad.  My stepdad made that for me!  It was a birthday gift and I love it.  He is a very very talented man with woodworking.  And it is all recycled wood!  And that rag on the bed is my blankie.
The sewing projects are just baby things.  I sewed all the stuff in his room also.  The two robe looking things are the hooter hiders.  Hopefully they work.  Now all I have to do is paint closet doors and I am ready for him to come home.