I have never felt better right now.  I love being a human again and my husband loves having his wife back!  We are doing great!  Next week I have my first real OB appointment, we’ll see how it goes.  I am a little worried right now.  I’ll start with a little family history.  All of my great aunts and my grandmother have had hysterectomies and my mother as well.  We have a very strong history of uterine cancer in our family.  My last pap came back abnormal and they wanted to see me again to do another in the fall.  If I remember correctly, they do one at your first OB appointment.  So, not only do I worry if the baby is still alive (still spotting) but I am worried about my overall health.  It is hard for me to look at my own mortality and that my family might lose me.  I am not so worried about not seeing my kids grow, but how they will feel if they lost me now.  I have had dreams that Nate has passed away and Ash is begging for dadda to come home and how do you tell a two year old that they are gone?  Death is something I have never really had to deal with.  No one close to me has passed, ever.  I did attend one funeral, a SIDS baby. It was an open casket and I refused to walk by.  I never knew the child, but I knew I could not handle what there was to be seen.  It was hard enough to watch her mother.  I wonder sometimes if I will be able to cope when the time comes and I wonder what would happen if I was gone, could they cope as well?  I figure, all I can do is treat people as if I may never see them again and try to live my life like it might not be as long as I hope.

On a happier note, I got to can peaches this year!  Last year I tried and failed.  I think the guy sold me the wrong peaches.  We always go for Alberta’s which are freestone.  Last year, the pits refused to come out and all my peaches ended up mushed up.  But this year, my mom helped and she ordered the peaches.  They came out wonderful.  On my next post, I plan picture only, so keep your eyes peeled.

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