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I heard something on the radio today that just sent me into a fit.  This guy was complaining about his ex-wife his child support money on herself.  Okay – two people make babies, babies demand time, energy, money you name it.  Two people split, one has kids full time and the other part time.  Who gets more time to themselves?  Now, I was raised in a poor family, where both parents where poor and divorced.  My dad paid $200 a month for two kids and later paid $400. My mom paid $200 in rent for a crappy trailer.  I don’t know what her earnings where, but they where not good, we ate a lot of potatoes.  Sure, she could fine $20 bucks every now and them to go out or $10 to buy make-up, but is that spending his money on herself or her spending his money on us and her money on herself?  Did he take some of his money and buy beer every now and then?  He lived in a travel trailer, so I know he was not doing much better. 

Think about how much child care costs, at least $600 a month.  So if you have two kids in full time care $1000 bucks or more a month just for that.  What if a judge tells you to pay $1500 for two kids, your half of the child care is $500 bucks and that leaves $1000 for all the other monthly expenses.  Lets say an average child eats $10 a day worth of food, that’s $20 a day for 30 days makes your half $300 a month bringing the total left over to $700.  That has to cover general health costs (monthly dues for a family can run $300 a month), water, electricity they use and anything kids need, like haircuts.  Plus you have a person working full time, generally, who has almost no time to themselves.  Except weekends, if they are taken. 

Child support is what it is, it supports the children.  Their care provider probably does not get pedicures on your dime, your dime goes to them and yourself.  Her dime goes to them and herself.  Your child support ensures that the kids are taken care.  And I do agree that there is some malice in some cases.  I know there are some cases where judges do not leave any money for the payee to live off of and I do feel like some people make poor choices in how money is spent – so fight to take your kids and make the ex pay you. Then you run our of money fighting – it all sucks.

And on another note, I read a blog from some lady (I will never read again).  She was complaining about her ex-daughter-in-law.  She didn’t like how they where being raised.  And she admitted to not taking the kids, because “she is too hard to deal with and the kids are needy”.  What the heck?!  You don’t like what she is doing and you refuse to be more of a “good” influence.  How are they going to be any different then her.  You are missing out lady.  Your son picked her, he made kids with her, he decided it was a mistake and your grand kids are being pushed of your life because it is too hard for you.  Life sucks – blame your son for a bad choice not the kids for who their mother is.

I love blogging – I can totally rag on someone without them knowing – haha

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Every time I watch this, I wonder how he got voted in. This guy can not speak to save his life. Enjoy our nations representative.


Today I was thinking about abortion.  I am not a fan of the subject, but it means something different to each person who talks about.  I do not like the word “absolutely”.  As in “I would absolutely not stand for it”.  I do not think abortion is a good thing.  There are many people out there looking for babies, but they are looking for “absolutely” perfectly healthy little babies.  When I was pregnant with Ash, I was given the option of an amino.  Meaning, they would take his blood and do a DNA test to see if he was “normal”.  We decided against it, it would not change anything.  Could I make the decision to abort if he was not “normal”? No, I would not have.  Nate and I intentionally wanted to bring a life into this world, and that was an unconditional decision.  I don’t agree with the teenage girl who made a mistake and can’t deal with a baby right now.  But I do feel for the women who is hooked on meth and carrying a child.  And the women who was raped.  Or the child prostitute that could be outcast if she is pregnant? I can’t say, “absolutely no abortion” when I see stories of women suffering.  Who an I to decide?  A meth baby is not a healthy baby anyone “normal” family would take on.  And what about the emotional trauma a mother has after being raped?  After we lost one baby, I don’t how I could willingly force one out.  I have never been raped, nor am I a drug addict or alcoholic.  I don’t know the daily choices these people have to make.   I’m sorry that only women get to make the decision, but how could we give a rapist say in the birth of that child?  It is too gray for me to believe one way or another.  All I can say, don’t be too quick to judge. Imagine the pain a women goes through after making that decision, I can’t say anyone would be unchanged by that event.

Nate and I took Ash to the pool tonight. My goal was to replace the bad experience with a new good one. He did great!! Tonight was the first time he put his head under and did not suck any water in. Nate and I even had him swimming back and forth between us. We kinda torpedoed him back and forth under the water. He started jumping off the side and bouncing around by him self. People kept telling that us it was amazing to them and asking how old he was, I was getting big head! They even opened the slide for the last fifteen minutes we where there and Nate got to show off. Ash saw a couple of girls and he wanted to hang with them, I think he thought they where cute. It was great. I knew the once a week trips to the pool would pay off. And we got to talk to the manager and he switched us into the mommy and me class for the last six sessions. We’ll see how he does next year, at least I’ll know what class to sign up for!

My last post was a little hasty.  I am much cooler now.  As I wrote it, wordpress gave a blog that had a post that I might be able to relate to.  I read it, and I am humbled.  I have no reason to be upset.  I worry about pulling weeds out of my lawn, I worry about Ash getting markers on my table, and dumb things like that.  I really have nothing to worry about.  This family is beautiful, and it pulled me out of my grump for the evening. 

Plus I reorganized my kitchen, helped me feel like a gained some control over one part of my life – haha.

http://terriblepalsy.wordpress.com/

Okay, Ash and I have been swimming together since he was six months old.  Nate and I decided to try to sign him for swimming lessons.  We went to the pool and paid $35 for eight sessions.  The lady asked for his birthday.  I asked if I could get into the pool with him, she said no.  No mention of any other classes. We just got him in the lowest class they had – polywogs.

Tuesday was his first lesson.  He did not touch the water.  He would not let go of me.  We talked for a half hour about the pool.  We talked about it all day Wednesday and today.  So tonight I take him again.  I sit him down on the steps and leave and hide where I can see him.  He is slowly melting down.  The nineteen year old swim instructor is doing what she can while trying to teach the other kids.  (Mind you, the lady who signed us up suggested that I leave him as quickly as I could)  So, I watch him sit and cry for about twenty minutes.  The whole time, I want to cry and hold him.  He finally gets up and walks out and I have to get him, and the swim instructor looks like she is going to lose it.  She has no idea what to do. 

I walk to the front desk and ask if I can have my money back for unused sessions.  They ask me how old he is – 2 1/2.  Ohh, he is not supposed to be in these swimming lessons until he is four, our rules.  WHAT THE F**K!!  We have a mommy and me class designed for his age.  WHAT THE F**K!!  Why didn’t the lady tell me that?  I went through one of the hardest I have had to do, abandon my kid pool side with a nineteen year old, and for nothing!!  Then they tell me that they can’t give me my money back, only the manager can.  I have to write him a note, they can’t, and beg for my money back or a transfer to the mommy and me program in August.  I cried all the way home, I felt like a fool.  I felt bad for Ash, the swimming instructor and me.  All the other mommys where staring at me with empathy, and the pool girls made me feel like a jerk because I had him in the wrong program – then speak up and make suggestion when I signed him up!  I need to make myself more informed, I guess the pool people can not see his age and recommend a program.  She did have his birthday…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dj298NRTO8

 Everytime I see this, I laugh to the point of tears.  It is a little creppy though!

Ash took his first boat ride last night.  I was a little freaked.  I kept thinking about what would happen if it flipped.  But it was a blast.  We spent all afternoon hanging on the beach with the in-laws.  This post is dedicated to the pictures we took.  One picture you can see the Mt Adams fire in the background.  We thought a volcano blew!! 

This is the really freaky moment of the trip for me.  Nate buried Ash in the sand up to his hips, near the water (There is a pic of it).  I did not like that he was so close to the water period.  Then I see two cargo ships next to each other coming up river.  I politely tell Nate to dig him out, and he doesn’t.  I don’t make a scene, I just walked down and start digging and looking over my shoulder at the ships coming.  I’m starting to panic a little and Nate starts to help.  His parents are laughing and joking and I am having a small heart attack.  It took about five minutes to get him out,  We get him out, and then the waves hit.  He would not have drowned, but the water would have hit him at his chest.  I know he would have panicked, along with me if I would not have dug him out.  Needless to say – we buried him further up the beach for the rest of the day.

The picture of the belly is Nate.  He fell asleep in the sun a couple days ago and had his hand on his chest.  You can see the hand under the right nipple…. Yet another reason I love him.

Okay, I started a myspace account to spy on my younger brothers and sisters.  I had motive and it was not to be social.  Now, I am a addict.  I check myspace like three times a day.  It doesn’t help that my computer is in the kitchen now instead of a separate room.  I am a stalker – haha.  For all you myspacers out there, I know what you are doing 🙂  I really have fun with it, it makes me feel connected somehow.  But, now there is facebook.

 I was introduced to it by a comment someone made.  I checked it out and I like it much better them myspace.  It seems less of a popularity contest.  I don’t know.  But there are people and relatives that use that instead of myspace, like the older people in my life.  So – check it out – you might like it. 

One another thought – nursing school.  I was talking about it with a friend, and I don’t know.  I really don’t want to work my ass off the rest of my life.  I have never really been passionate about any job idea.  Before Nate decided he wanted to do police work – I had thought about it.  Now, it seems more of a reality that I could get in.  Then I thought about my mother in law.  She works for the post office and only does a six hour day!!  She makes more money then her husband at 60 hours a week!  And then there is UPS, I could start as a seasonal driver and work my way into full time and make as much as a nurse.  That would be awesome – driving around…..   Then my mom said I could probably land a teachers aid job and work part time for the schools.  I really don’t want a stressful job – I am lazy.  When I was a teenager – working 30 hours a week, college full time plus trying to be a kid.  I literally woke up every night in the middle of the night and would vomit once.  Didthat for a year or more.  I did not do it on purpose, it only stopped when I graduated.  I don’t handle stress well.  Plus, it would be nice to find something that would kinda fit our kids school schedules.  I am thorn between the idea of making good money, finding a job that works with the kids, and finding one that makes me excited to go to work.  Besides – I really don’t want to lance boils in the emergency room at 2am with a alcohol poisoned person pucking on my feet. Yuck – you would have to be paying me very well.

And today, we are taking Ash on a boat ride handing on the beach for a few hours.  Hopefully pics to follow in the next post.  I have a hard time taking pictures when we are doing something fun.  I always feel like I am missing out on the real fun being behind the camera.

So my divorce post stirred it up!!  My mail box was flooded with people who all had something to say, many who I do not even know!!.  Many not wanting to leave comment, don’t really care though.  This has lead to a decision that I will stick to posts that are up beat and happy.  I will talk about love, marriage, kids and all the rest.  I don’t want to hurt or damage anyone.  I have too much to lose in friends and family and life in general to post anything that is too offensive.    All of you had wonderful things to say (and I mean ALL)  – I guess it was just too much for me all at once.  I didn’t realize I had sooooo many readers.  Thank you for reading – look forward to deep “happy” posts from here on out!!!  By the way – all the kids I know rule not just mine.  I just don’t get much to brag about being that he is only two.  So here is my bragging rights now: he can count to five (kinda, he forgets about four) and he knows all of his primary colors!!  Pre-school here we come!!!