I have always been a friendless kind of person.  Most of the people I call “friends” keep in touch via e-mail, a few phones calls and that is it.  When I was a kid, friends where in low supply, maybe that is where my complex comes from.  This blog is about me and my lack of friends.

When I was a child, I grew up in a very small community.  Eight kids in our class to be exact.  There where two other girls in my class up until eight grade.  Needless to say, we where friends.  We never had to work to find friends or had to look for them.  We hung with each other because that was it.  I had a neighbor that I was friends with and played with everyday, and as soon as she graduated eighth grade she never spoke to me again.  Once the eight of us got to high school, where had a lot more kids to hang with, I was lost in the crowd.  I didn’t know what to do, I lacked the skills to meet people and socialize with them.  One of the three of us is a very social person.  I think she can make friends with a rock if she wanted to.  She hit the scene like a fish to water.  I remeber the other girl from the grade school days saying “she won’t hang with us anymore”.  What did I say? I said “make new friends”.  But I was having the same problem, nothing familiar to grasp to.  Did I take my own advice, no.  I struggled to keep up with my one friend I had left.  The other girl made new friends, and even ended up with a best friend!  I spent the rest of my high school left wondering around.  After my freshmen year, I decided to move in with my dad and start in a new school district.  I thought that this might help me, little did I know that your problems usually don’t get left behind. 

At this new school, I made a few friends.  One being a very troubled lady, but I think I kept her out of trouble.  I made one good friend, Charity Campbell.  She was awesome, then she moved.  Alas, I was alone again.  I worked, a lot.  Then I found out that Washington offered a college to high school credit.  I enrolled and ended up in community college full time for my last two years of high school.  I think I stepped in that high school a dozen times over two years.  I went to school with people in their twenties and graduated with kids I didn’t even know.  So, I made zero friends in those two years.  Meanwhile, I was still following around my old friend from grade school.  Still not taking my own advice. 

But, I met my husband, got my Associates degree and worked my ass off for it all.  But I still struggle to make friends.  I still keep in touch with those friends from grade school, but we all have kids and they have their group of friends.  Not to say I am a good friend.  I still haven’t gotten together with one of the grade school girls.  All I have to do is call…..   And when the other comes to town, something always happens to make it not happen.  Again, I am not a good friend, I don’t call back, I always seem to be busy, and I get very awkward when forced to be a socialite.  We ended up with neighbors our age, do you think I have done more then say hi?  We where invited to Nate’s co-workers house for dinner, did I do much more than watch the kids play?  I freeze. I don’t know why, I am not afraid of being un-cool or a dork.  I just don’t know what to do.  Do they have classes for this? 

I like to blame it all on the small school, and my bouncing around, but others do it.  So, that is it in a nutshell.  My life and the friends in it or lack of.  I know I will make some friends, I just have to try.    There are nice people all around me.  I need to find people that are willing to be my friend just as much as I do.  I hate the take friendship and nothing given back.  I just want to find a few people with kids that can bitch about there husbands and dogs and work and have fun.  We have enough demanding things in our lives, friends should not be the same way.  Have a friend should be a comfortable thing, not “it’s her on the caller ID again”.